As a New Mom, I’m Wondering: What If We’ve Been Asking the Wrong Questions About School?

– Penned by Monisha Thangam

I didn’t expect to start thinking about schools this early. My child is still too young for uniforms or backpacks, but somehow, “What kind of school will they go to?” has already become a question that follows me everywhere; in conversations, parenting forums and even in late-night scrolling.

The Pressure to Pick a System

When I started reading about education, I noticed how divided the landscape is. Homeschoolers talk about reclaiming creativity; traditional schools talk about discipline and community; alternative schools talk about freedom and self-direction.

But here’s the irony: everyone claims to “put the child first.”
And yet, most systems, even the most progressive ones, eventually measure success through the same lens: performance, outcomes, and achievement.

After taking in all this information, I’m less interested in which system wins and more in what gets lost in the competition.

My own journey with Vidhya Vidhai has also shaped this shift in me. I grew up hearing that marks matter above everything else, and my own educational background never felt strong enough to comment on different teaching philosophies. But my time at Vidhya Vidhai, through listening to their change stories, seeing schools transform, and watching children thrive in ways that go beyond grades, has shifted my perspective. It taught me to look between the lines, not just at the results.
And motherhood intensified that shift, making the question feel personal: Somewhere between test scores and philosophies, do we still see children as whole human beings, curious, unpredictable, and full of wonder?

It turns out this concern isn’t mine alone. Around the world, educators and researchers are asking the same question.

1. The World Is Rethinking What Learning Means

Across the world, educators and researchers are rethinking what “learning” should look like in the 21st century. A UNESCO policy brief (2022) describes personalised learning as education that “adapts teaching to a learner’s background, pace, and potential,” rather than forcing everyone to follow the same path. (UNESCO IITE, 2022)

This approach challenges the idea that academic excellence alone defines success. It suggests that schools should help children develop curiosity, adaptability, and emotional resilience, qualities that prepare them not just for exams, but for life.

It’s comforting and also daunting. Because, as parents, this means we’re not just choosing between schools. We’re choosing between philosophies of childhood.

2. What Research Says About “Child-First” Education

The phrase child-first is often thrown around in school brochures. But what does it actually look like when done well?

A 2021 study published in Education Sciences examined a child-centered literacy program where teachers adapted instruction to each student’s level through informal assessment and flexible grouping. By the end of the year, every child met or exceeded minimum reading standards, a remarkable outcome compared to traditional one-size-fits-all teaching. (Education Sciences, MDPI, 2021)

Another review of India’s Child Friendly Schools Model found that schools designed around equity, inclusivity, and participation led to more holistic development: cognitive, social, and emotional. Not just better grades. (RSIS International, 2023)

So when schools talk about “putting children first,” it’s not just a slogan. There’s growing evidence that classrooms built on respect, agency, and joy actually improve learning outcomes across contexts.

3. The Teacher Still Matters Most

If research points to one constant, it’s this: a child-first philosophy only works when teachers believe in it.

The Harvard Graduate School of Education has long found that students learn best in emotionally safe and intellectually stimulating environments, spaces created not by technology or infrastructure, but by teachers who listen and adapt.

Even the most progressive system can fail if teachers feel constrained, and even traditional schools can feel alive when a teacher empowers students to ask questions and explore.

Imagine this:
In a “progressive” school, a teacher rushes through project-based activities but still ends up asking children to reproduce the “right outcome.” The classroom looks modern, yet the learning feels strangely familiar, almost like rote in disguise. And then, in a seemingly “traditional” school, a teacher pauses mid-lesson and asks, “What do you think?” A child hesitates, then slowly begins to reason, question, and share. That moment of agency isn’t created by the curriculum. It’s created by trust.

Research also supports this contrast. When teachers believe in their students and when they themselves are emotionally well, learning becomes alive, not mechanical. (Kundu & Bej, 2024)

As a parent, that’s both comforting and humbling because maybe the heart of a good school isn’t in its label, but in its people.

4. Beyond the Buzzwords

It’s easy to get caught up in labels “progressive,” “Montessori,” “Waldorf,” “IB.” But a child-first approach isn’t tied to any one method.

It’s about how the system treats the learner:

5. A Takeaway for Every Parent

The deeper I go, the more I realise there’s no single “best” choice. What matters is the fit between a child’s temperament, a teacher’s philosophy, and a family’s values.

I’m drawn to the idea that education should be a partnership between curiosity and care. It doesn’t matter whether that happens in a traditional classroom or an experimental one; what matters is whether children are treated as thinkers, not just students.

Because the goal isn’t to create perfect achievers. It’s to raise thoughtful, confident humans who can ask better questions about their world and themselves.

A Thought to End With

If there’s one thing worth remembering, it’s this: the future our children inherit will demand thinkers, listeners, problem-solvers, and kind leaders. Not perfectly schooled achievers.

Because the real work of education won’t show up on a report card, it will show up years later, in the kind of responsible adults our children become

So maybe the real test of a school is this: Is it shaping children for the next exam or preparing them for the world they will one day lead?

Everything else is just noise.

Join the Conversation

If you’re a parent, educator, or just someone thinking about how we raise curious kids, I’d love to hear your take. Have you seen schools that truly put children first, not just in words, but in practice? What did that look like?

Let’s start a real conversation about what “education” could mean in this new generation, one that begins and ends with the child.